Happy Thanksgiving, Happy Black Friday!

So I did something pretty stupid the other day, weighed myself the day before Thanksgiving. DUMB. I am officially at my highest weight, EVER. EVER!!!!! I honestly think I am still in so much shock I don't believe it. Of course I couldn't diet on Thanksgiving, that's just weird for anyone and way too hard. I ate, but was definitely controlled, ate more today than I did yesterday actually. I am way out of control I don't know what the fuck to do. I know my family notices my weight gain and says suttle things about it which brought me to tears 2 or 3 times on Thanksgiving. Another horrifying moment that day also, I was getting dressed in the closet (as I don't get dressed in front of my gf anymore) and my gf walks in when I have on nothing but a bra, I freaked out.. like legit slammed the door and yelled get out and that I didn't want her seeing me that naked. I had tears in my eyes for 30 minutes and I didn't even know what to say, it's been weird ever since. I plan on going to the grocery store tomorrow to gather some healthy groceries and getting my butt in gear or I feel like my life is going to start crumbling fast with my girlfriend, family, and my depression. I'm tired of typing though, I feel like I say the same thing every time I get on this blog and I never change.